Polarities in organizations are not a “trend.”
They are a symptom, and already a cost.
I see it in what is increasingly showing up in my work:
Mediations, abrasive leader coaching, interventions after harassment investigations, whether confirmed… or not.
Everyone arrives with their truth, their “evidence,” and their story.
And the other person becomes the problem.
What worries me is not conflict. Conflict exists, and it is normal.
Tensions are even necessary if we want to keep developing and innovating.
What strikes me is the contrast between the rigor applied to performance… and the vagueness around behaviors.
Because deep down, we know how to do this.
We know very well how to build performance recovery plans.
We track KPIs, we objectify, we document, we set a frame.
But when it comes to inappropriate behaviors or words, we no longer know how to speak to people.
We no longer know how to say, simply and clearly: “This behavior is not acceptable here.”
“And this is what I expect instead.”
So we let it pass.
We let pass the person who puts others down, or the one who constantly complains.
We let pass the digs in meetings and the humiliation disguised as “just joking.”
We call it “not making waves.”
I call it manufacturing a polarity.
By tolerating too much, we create two camps: those who cross the line, and those who swallow it.
And then we are surprised when things break.
This is precisely what I work on with so many managers.
I help them build plans to return to appropriate behaviors.
And it often begins with something very simple, which has become rare.
Explicitly naming what is expected.
“I expect this from you.”, “This is part of your role.”, “This is how I want you to embody it.”
Too often, we end up parting ways with an employee.
Without ever really giving them the chance to perform fully.
And this is not only a managerial issue.
It is also a collective responsibility.
To say when something crosses the line of what is acceptable here.
The culture of an organization is measured by the worst behaviors it tolerates.
So yes, sometimes it is difficult.
There are environments where people do not feel safe.
And not every culture makes it possible to speak up.
But overall, I believe we confuse niceness with kindness.
Niceness seeks harmony.
Kindness watches over what is good.
And watching over what is good means being able to say: “I respect you. And I am asking you to do better.”
Relational courage is not opposition.
It is clarity, held with respect.
Otherwise, polarities win and the relationship comes undone.
In your team, what behavior seems “small” on the surface… but is deeply toxic… and that you are still letting pass?