I was once told that I could come across as distant.
I had no idea I was creating that impact.
That sentence came back to me last week, when a client told me about feedback she had just received.
People tell her she is nice. Maybe too nice.
A word that sounds positive.
And yet, it made her doubt herself.
Am I not strategic enough?
Not firm enough?
Not experienced enough?
She did not know what to do with that word.
In leadership, there are always two types of impact.
Intentional impact: what we are trying to create.
Our values, the stance we choose, what we decide to embody.
And unintentional impact: what we create without having chosen it.
What others experience, interpret, and feel in contact with us.
We have both.
Always.
And most of the time…
we only see one of them.
When I worked on my own leadership, I was invited to explore both sides.
My intentional impact? Clarity, safety, strength.
That worked.
My unintentional impact? A perceived distance.
A depth that can feel difficult to reach.
At times, a sense of inaccessibility.
I was not trying to create that.
And yet, it was part of my impact.
When I received that feedback, I was surprised.
Touched, too.
But what truly helped me grow was not the feedback itself.
It was the moment I accepted that this impact was part of me.
Not against me.
Not in contradiction with me.
But in addition to me.
We think our intention defines us.
In reality, our leadership is also shaped by what we create without meaning to.
So with my client, the question was not: “how do we correct this?”
It was: If “nice” is one of your unintentional impacts, what do you want to do with it?
Is it a blind spot to adjust?
A strength to own differently?
A quality to nuance depending on the context?
Becoming aware of your unintentional impact does not mean correcting it.
It means being able to choose.
Choosing when to activate it.
Choosing when to regulate it.
Choosing how to reduce the gap between intention and impact.
This is what it means to increase your range.
Expand your palette.
Own the full breadth of your influence.
And become more powerful and at choice in your leadership.
What feedback did you once receive that surprised you the most… and ultimately helped you grow?