Anger has a bad reputation.
And yet, when it is properly understood, it is one of the most underused emotions in leadership.
When I say, “I’m angry,” people often hear something else.
They hear: “She’s about to explode.”Or: “She’s being aggressive.”
But… no.
There are two very different statements:
I feel anger (emotion).I react in anger (behavior).
And we shouldn’t judge an emotion.
That would be like judging the weather. It’s there. That’s all.
I know this emotion well (it is often my “default” emotion).
When something is not working.When I sense dissonance.When a value is being trampled on.
Anger is the first thing that shows up.
For a long time, I was told it was “not okay.”
As if an emotion had to pass a morality test before being allowed to exist.
I have never heard anyone say:
“It’s not okay to feel joyful.” Or: “It’s not okay to feel sad.”
So why is anger put on trial?
Because the real issue is not anger.
The real issue is what we do with it.
Yes, we have seen anger wound people, and we are afraid of it.
But we have also seen the opposite: staying silent, shutting down… and ruminating for days.
In both cases, we lose something precious: the signal.
The solution is not to censor the emotion.
The solution is to learn how to create space between the signal… and the response.
I have learned to make peace with my anger.
And since then, it has become an ally. An indicator.
When it shows up, I ask myself three questions:
What is dissonant here?
What do I choose to do with it?
What do I need right now in order to respond rather than react?
That is the real challenge today: creating space between emotion… and action.
I remember a leadership seminar I was facilitating when as one participant was speaking, I felt anger rising in me.
An internal signal.
And my response was the opposite of what people might imagine: I acknowledged him.
Because behind his words, I sensed a need.
And in that moment, that was the useful response.
This is what I want to rehabilitate.
Anger is not a failure.
It is an indicator.
It is not asking you to explode, but it should not be ignored either.
It is asking for your attention. It invites you to look more closely, so you can choose an aligned response.
And that can radically change your leadership.