We instinctively think of brands, poorly made copies, fake bags or counterfeit logos.
But our values can be counterfeited too.
We easily spot what goes “against” our values.But we are much less able to see what looks like them… and quietly damages them.
This idea comes from Buddhism: far enemy / near enemy.
The far enemy is obvious.The near enemy is seductive… because it disguises itself as virtue.
Here are two very simple examples:
Compassion’s far enemy is indifference.Its near enemy? Pity.Because it “looks” kind… but it places the other person beneath us.
Discipline’s far enemy is carelessness.Its near enemy? Rigidity.When we control the environment to avoid discomfort, it is no longer discipline.It is protection.
And where this becomes very concrete is in leadership.
In my work with leaders and teams, I rarely encounter “bad intentions.”
I encounter sincere values… whose energy has slightly shifted.
Because our near enemies love to slip into our best intentions.
➡️ Kindness can drift into avoidance.“I don’t address the issue because I want to preserve the relationship”… and the problem takes root.
➡️ Generosity can drift into sacrifice… or even martyrdom.I say yes to everything, I exhaust myself… and one day it comes out: “I’m carrying everything.”
➡️ Help can drift into control.“I’m helping you”… but what I really want is to control the outcome.
➡️ Equanimity can drift into numbness.“I’m calm”… when in reality I am shutting down and avoiding the difficult conversation.
Same word.Same appearance.But a radically different energy.
And often, near enemies have one thing in common: they protect the ego and avoid discomfort.
They give us the impression that we are “living the value”… while we are still wearing armor.
One question helps me enormously to spot them:
Does this posture open… or close?Does it create connection… or does it protect me?
This is a question I often ask in coaching.And it changes everything.
Because at that point, we are no longer talking about intention.We are talking about impact.
An authentic virtue exposes us a little.It asks us to hold tension, to stay present in discomfort, to let go of control.
That is where leadership reveals itself.
The near enemy reassures us.It makes the posture socially acceptable… but relationally sterile.
If you were to choose one “guiding value” in your leadership (for example, high standards, kindness, courage, loyalty), what would its near enemy be for you?
The one that looks like your value… but in reality pulls you away from relationship?