“When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.”
In organisations, we’ve been quick to forget Churchill’s words.
In December 1941, he declared war on Japan.
His message to the Japanese ambassador was extremely courteous.
He was criticised for the tone.
It’s his reply that went down in history.
Management researchers have named this paradox the Churchill effect.
When they have to announce a negative decision, and even more so when they themselves see it as unfair, some managers do exactly the opposite.
They create distance where more relational quality is needed.
A promotion turned down.
A role eliminated.
Difficult feedback.
Responsibilities taken away.
Performance judged insufficient.
The manager knows that what they’re about to say will hurt.
So they protect themselves.
They cut the conversation short.
They hide behind the facts.
They become procedural.
Sometimes they harden their tone to give themselves courage.
They think they’re being professional.
Above all, often without realising it, they’re trying to reduce their own discomfort.
And to avoid the other person’s reactions.
I’ve come across this several times in my work.
Managers convinced they shouldn’t bring any emotion into it.
Who, unconsciously, shifted their discomfort onto the person in front of them.
And often, the work isn’t teaching them to “bring more emotion”.
It’s helping them stay in relationship when the situation becomes uncomfortable.
The disappointment.
The anger.
The silence.
The questions.
And sometimes their own guilt.
Without immediately trying to make it all go away.
That’s where the Churchill effect becomes interesting.
The point isn’t to soften decisions.
Some decisions have to be made.
Clearly stated.
And will affect the other person negatively no matter what.
But a difficult decision doesn’t need to be made even harder by the way it’s announced.
Managerial courage isn’t only about making a difficult decision.
It’s about being able to stay in relationship while you own it.
What about you, what do you do with your own discomfort when you have to announce a difficult decision?